Within the Vedic culture, Karma, Gyan and bhakti have different perspectives towards relationships.
Karma- They are seen as a fruit of worshipping God. A good spouse, child, etc. People worship God for that and when they get that they feel it is God’s gift. God is the means and things and relations are the ends.
Gyana- Wordly relations are considered to be an obstacle to attain God. God is the end and relations are stumbling blocks.
Bhakti- it is about connection . So Wordly relations are used to connect with God. So all are relations are expression for our need to be connected with God and relationship with God. God is an ocean of love, and whatever love we get from people around is just a small fractional drop of that ocean. Now since our desire for love is so great and life without love seems bleak, so even for the that small drop of love, people are ready to sacrifice their lives.
Worldly relationships aren’t false or valueless; they are just much less compared to God.
We experience different level of intimacy with different people. Some people we just hate, some we can work with, some we get along well and some we are connected very closely.
So we can’t treat all relations, even in the devotional path in the same dismissive attitude, that they are just obstacles and distractions.
Some relations even in this world are very fulfilling, but they are temporary.
Fulfilling relationships when not connected with God can be the most entangling, that’s why the most dangerous.
So when the movies, novels talk about romance, in some cases there is a greater compatibility and in some cases there is no compatibility at all. No matter how much there is compatibility, the life in this world is temporary. And to the extent we get joy in the relationship in this World, is the extent to which we will suffer when the relationship is ruptured. And that’s how attachments leads to suffering.
The love that we experience in this world is a drop of love that God actually has.
Now with this in mind, the relationship in this world are valuable that they give us an idea what the relationship with God could be.
An advanced person sees the love of God everywhere. God is for love, devotees are for friendship, the innocent are for a compassion and the envious and evil are for indifference. Our Wordly relationships will form a spectrum from friendship to neglect. All these are means of developing a relationship with God.
Now depending on the attitude of the people around us with God will make our relationship with God either deeper or will lessen the connection with God.
Spiritual Influence: The attitudes of those around us can profoundly shape our connection with God, either deepening or distancing our bond.
Spiritualizing Relationships: Engaging with those curious about God can enhance our own spiritual journey, turning ordinary interactions into sacred connections.
Guarding Spiritual Integrity: While we may hold affection for some, if their stance towards God is negative, it’s vital to prioritize our spiritual well-being by maintaining distance, lest we drift from our divine path.
Actually, the idea that we can’t experience love in this world is a Gyani idea. According to them there is no love.
The bhakti marga says we can experience the ultimate here, but there is a process. The love that is talked about in scriptures is lofty and maybe it is difficult for us right now, but we can experience it through devotion even in sadhaka state.
Our understanding of relationships with God’s connection with us and connection of God with people around us, helps us spiritualize the relations in the appropriate manner.
We try to connect to God with our spiritual practices and studies, but at the same time the relationship with the devotees and the devotional minded is also very important, to get glimpse of god’s love. Without the relationship with devotees, the concept of love of God can remain very ethereal and artificial.
So when we have worldly relationship which were nice and fulfilling, so that doesn’t mean that just because we are devotees we need to dismiss all that love, because it is insensitive from our side and hurting for others.
Sometimes, making your child or other relations a better human, a responsible person, involves showing some love and affection, that is also dharma.
Not all relationships in the world are fake, but being overly focused on them and forgetting about spiritual truth and happiness is not ideal for someone seeking higher spiritual growth. When we find joy and fulfillment in our relationships, it is not untrue. The love and care shown by others towards us is a glimpse of God’s love, albeit in a limited way. We should appreciate and reciprocate their love to the best of our abilities.
When our love for someone starts becoming a hindrance to our love for God, we need to handle it carefully. We shouldn’t necessarily discard that love as false, but we must understand that it can harm our spiritual journey. Let’s ensure that our love for God remains our top priority and doesn’t hinder us from realizing Him.
Certainly we can experience love in this World. And there is some level of love in this world too , which makes the world worth living. But the best of the worldly relationships are also temporary, so when it ends , it will be that much miserable and painful and frustrating. And to the extent it isn’t connected with God, it can distract us from God, subjecting us to the illusion that we can be happy without God and we don’t need God anymore!
The love maybe genuine, but the Love of God is manifold! So all the love in this world , is a reminder, pointer towards the love of God, then they becomes beneficial and we can spiritualize those relations too.
Swaminarayan Glory 